One year

A year ago this week it was almost time for Thanksgiving, although I truly cannot recall a single thing from that holiday last year. A year ago this week I found out my dad had cancer and we would have to wait nearly a month until he had his surgery that removed the five-inch-long tumor from his colon. A year ago this week my aunt died of bone cancer and I went to her funeral in St. Louis and stood by my mom as she gave the eulogy. A year ago this week I returned to my one-bedroom apartment after that funeral and lost my resolve by emailing the man who broke my heart but whom I missed terribly and still loved, even though a few weeks before he had left to be with another woman. And I cried myself to sleep that night as I prayed to be delivered from the sorrow, just as I had done every night for weeks before and weeks after.

A year ago this week my life really, really sucked.

Right now, though, I’m enjoying my life. Some days are better than others, of course, but I’m grateful for all that I have and for the wonderful people in my life who love me and care about me.

Next Tuesday, my dad has his first colonoscopy since his surgery and chemo treatments. Honestly, that scares the crap out of me (I just realized how funny that expression sounds in reference to a colonoscopy). I hope and pray that they won’t find any cancer there this time, but I just don’t know. The worst part is the waiting, the not knowing. But all I can do is wait.

posted by elizabeth @ 12:07 AM